I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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