My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room