this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
