fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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