Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty

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(206): View more from Washington

No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

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(904): View more from Florida

masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap

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(803): View more from South Carolina

A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?

(609): View more from New Jersey

Yeah. It's not just the beard either.

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(914): View more from New York

My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.

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