you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
