I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED