apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.