A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
