You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
