the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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