Just cropdusted the office
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
