Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
