he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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