Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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