I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
