Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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