The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Drunk is a universal language darling
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize