Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
