i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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