if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
