turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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