Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
