I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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