I just cut my nipple shaving
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
