You can't motorboat a personality
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
