took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We need to rekindle our bromance
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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