I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
