paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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