How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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