You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
