He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
