the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
