i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
