Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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