I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
