So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
