i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
