Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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