True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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