So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We need to get me chipped asap
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
