Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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