Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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