Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
