Its about making memories worth repressing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
