Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
