Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
