and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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