I'd wear matching sweaters with you
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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