tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
