Will you blow on my dice?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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