Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
