i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
