I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
