No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
