my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
