I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
