we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
