Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend