PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?