she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.