he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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