my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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