I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
