I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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