Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
