You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
