put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
