Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize