I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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