the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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