you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
