Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
